In
the show, Friends, two main
characters Ross and Rachel are in a serious relationship, and then break up. In
order to move on, Ross begins dating a new girl, Emily. Throughout their
relationship, Ross finds himself continuously thinking about Rachel, and the
viewer is led to believe that Ross still has feelings for her, and wants to get
back together with her.
In
this predicament, Ross faces cognitive dissonance in the sense that his
actions: dating Emily, do not line up with his feelings: loving Rachel. In
order to reduce his discomfort, Ross has three options: change his behavior,
change his cognition, or add a new cognition. Ross chooses to change his
cognition. He really loves Rachel, but he is dating Emily. So, in order to
change his cognition, he tells himself that he loves Emily. Ross forces himself
to recall all the positive attributes of Emily and all the negative qualities
that Rachel would bring to a relationship.
Ross
exacerbates his situation by proposing to Emily, but reveals his true feelings
when he accidentally says Rachel’s name at the alter. Ross further justifies
his dissonance by claiming it was an accident, and forces himself to
continuously profess his love for Emily, and, by no coincidence, he says
Rachel’s name again.
While
Ross doesn’t every actually cheat on Emily, he does in fact think about Rachel throughout
the entire relationship, which can be classified as emotional cheating.
To
bolster this proposition, the experiment, “It
did not mean anything (about me)” tested whether thinking about prior acts
of infidelity promotes cognitive dissonance. In the study participants, who
reported having one prior relationship that lasted at least three months, were
asked to remind themselves about how faithful they consider themselves to be,
and then were given bogus feedback suggesting they had been either somewhat faithful
or unfaithful. The participants were then asked to complete measures of
self-concept discrepancy, psychological discomfort, and affect. In conclusion,
participants who were led to believe that they had been unfaithful reported
symptoms associated with cognitive dissonance.
As
the study suggests, Ross’ infidelity to Emily leads him to a dissonance between
his need to be a righteous person, and committing an immoral act. Ross tries to
reduce this dissonance by supporting his decision even though they are mere
justifications as opposed to real feelings. This proposition makes us wonder,
how often are we in relationships in which we subconsciously justify our
partner when in reality we are emotionally not into the relationship?
-Kara McCormack
Journal of Social and
Personal Relationships November 2013 vol. 30no.
7 835-857
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