Love as Demonstrated by "How I Met Your Mother"

If you have never binge watched a show until your eyes were bloodshot and swollen, well then you are missing out on a great time. If you have never binge watched “How I Met Your Mother” (HIMYM) until your eyes were bloodshot and swollen then your life is kind of in shambles. HIMYM follows Ted Mosby and his pursuit, over many years, to find a wife. The show not only details Ted’s quest for love, but it also details his friends Robin, Barney, Marshall, and Lily who all seem to find themselves in differing places in their lives, relationship wise.

Lets first dive into Marshall and Lily, the married couple who seem to have the true love that everyone else is searching for and hopefully can find it one day. Marshall and Lily consistently support and exemplify the idea of passionate love. The way they act together and compliment each other’s personalities show the intense desire that they have for being with one another. Marshall and Lily are typically the happiest of the characters, as they are relationship trouble free, which is typically seen with couples that are passionately in love. The feelings of “fulfillment and ecstasy” could easily be attributes used to describe both Marshall and Lily, which points to the conclusion that they are passionately in love. The solidifying factor of their passionate love was when (spoiler) Lily left Marshall for the summer and they were broken up. Marshall was absolutely devastated and was extremely depressed and inconsolable. Marshall also showed typical symptoms of a break up when he felt physically ill as do a majority of the “breakees” as mentioned in the chapter.

Now Barney and Robin are difficult to truly understand their emotions and feelings, but I’ll give it a whirl. Barney takes the classic evolutionary approach to mate selection, as his main mission in most every episode is to find a new girl to sleep with. Not surprising, this falls right in line with the ways in which evolutionary psychologists, thought the male species developed over the course of time. Barney, although not very picky when choosing a girl, does try to find the most girls he can possibly sleep with, which follows along the evolutionary theory of propagation and survival of the fittest. Barney also exhibits the avoidant attachment style of relationships. He rarely commits himself to a girl and even when he does it never works out due to his lack of commitment. He also has a spiteful take on love, although, as suggested by studies, this attitude and attachment style changes towards the end of the show as he starts to develop serious feelings for a certain someone.

Robin on the other hand is a lot more receptive towards love and truly wants a long-term relationship. She is quite complex to decipher but offers bits and pieces of some relationship types. Robin consistently is attracted to and begins relationships with individuals who are not similar or share similar opinions with her. Although Robin and her boyfriends at face value seemed to be similar, once they got to know each other better they eventually realized they were not similar in views and opinions, particularly with one of Robin’s main beliefs in having no children. Robin also shows certain parts of the anxious/ambivalent attachment style when she rushes into engagement with Kevin.

Have you ever had the utmost disdain or disgust with an individual and then found yourself, over time, truly enjoying or even falling for that same person? Well if so, congrats, you’re another Robin Scherbatsky. When Robin first met Barney she correctly saw him as a disgusting, womanizing, sexist guy who prided himself on his past sexual conquests. On the other hand Barney always poked fun at and saw Robin as a hater to his lifestyle and really didn’t care what she thought about him and his antics. Over time however, we saw both Robin and Barney fall for each other. This change of attitude can be best related to the Mere Exposure effect. As the two continually spent time together they casually grew more affectionate towards one another until eventually… well you know the rest.

The man, the myth, the legend, Ted Mosby is a mess. There is no nice way to put it. He has the best of intentions, but he just can’t seem to find the woman who he knows is the one. Ted truly tries to create passionate love between him and the women he dates, but whether it is a lack of similar views and opinions or the lack of attraction Ted can’t seem to find the right girl, until he does. Once he meets his future wife Ted shows the telltale signs of being in love. They have extremely similar opinions and interests and are extremely attracted to each other. Ted shows a secure attachment style in this relationship, which is a reason why it ends up working for him.

I’ll leave you with an important message from Marshall

Michael Spada

References

Welker, K. M., Baker, L., Padilla, A., Holmes, H., Aron, A., & Slatcher, R. B. (2014). Effects of self‐disclosure and responsiveness between couples on passionate love within couples. Personal Relationships, 21(4), 692-708. doi:10.1111/pere.12058

Ying, T., & Renlai, Z. (2008). The effects of mere exposure and the generation of positive affection. Psychological Science (China), 31(2), 356-362

             Yousefian Tehrani, F. (2015). Influence of secure attachment on neuroticism and relationship outcomes. Dissertation Abstracts International, 76,