The Promise and Pitfalls of Online Dating

If you were asked to raise your hand if you were on a dating site somewhere, whether it be tinder or more like match.com, chances are you would  raise your hand (or maybe not, but you’re still on it). Truth is: technology has completely changed the dating game. These social media staples allow you to meet individuals anywhere without the heart-fluttering, nerve-wracking decision to strike up a conversation in person, totally exposed. You are handed a freedom that puts you in control of your love-life with the touch of a button or swipe of a screen. But to be given a freedom means sacrifices must be made, sacrifices like possibly compromising your own safety by meeting someone you met from behind a screen.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that meeting your significant other online as opposed to in person is a bad thing. I met my boyfriend through Facebook the summer before my freshman year of college. We are perfectly happy, although I do get a little embarrassed when asked the “So how did you two meet?” question. Everyone hears the horror stories about that “creepy” guy your friend met on tinder or a “stalker” girl that won’t stop messaging you on Facebook. This phenomenon of people lying about who they are online even was given a term: cat-fishing. A TV show was even made out of it! That’s how often people do it and how often people fall for it. Every time I see Nev Schulman on the screen analyzing someone’s profile for inconsistencies, I think “Wow, that really could’ve been me.” To be honest, it can be any of us!

People take the anonymity of the World Wide Web as a way to reinvent themselves. They become someone they feel that they can’t be in person. It’s empowering knowing you can be the person you always wanted to be online and that the people you’re contacting have no clue that it isn’t the real you. Re-envisioning yourself isn’t new; most resumes aren’t complete without a little bit of embellishment. But as more and more people turn to social media to find their soulmates, it can become a problem, and dangerous. In truth, without meeting in person you can’t really know what you’re getting into and how much of a person’s profile is true. It’s a stigma that’s become attached to online dating: you can’t trust anyone to be who they say they are online and should act cautiously.

In an experiment done by Billie E. Cali, Jill M. Coleman, and Catherine Campbell, they wanted to see just how self-protective women would become as a result of the online dating stigma as opposed to meeting someone face-to-face. This was hypothesized to be greater for women who are new to online dating and lower for those who were veterans, but all of them would show self-protective behavior when meeting someone online. 83 women were selected for this study from a private Midwestern university. Participants were assigned to one of two conditions based on their birth month and were presented with scenarios about a hypothetical first date situations.

In one scenario, a situation was described where the participant met someone on Facebook with whom she was interested in going on a date. The second scenario described a situation in which the participant met someone whom she was interested in dating from one of her classes. From these scenarios, the women were asked to fill out a Dating Self-Protection Against Rape Scale(DSPARP). This scale asked them to report how many safety related behaviors they would partake in given their situation (i.e. letting a friend know where they were, meeting somewhere public). The DSPARP consists of 15 items on a Likert-type scale from 1 being "not at all important" to 6 being "very important," with higher scores indicating greater self-protection intent. Lastly, they were given a dating background questionnaire to acquire information about previous dating habits.

As predicted, women thought self-protective behaviors were more important when going on a date with someone they met on Facebook (or any online platform) as opposed to someone they had met at school. This effect was sound when dealing with college-aged and adult women, and was even stronger among individuals who had no prior experience dating someone they had met online.

With that being said, this increase in protective behavior does not mean online dating is more dangerous than meeting someone at a bar. This study simply implies that people, and specifically woman, are more cautious when meeting with someone they haven’t had an in-person interaction with previously. So continue onward on your dating app and don’t be afraid to meet up for drinks with that cute guy that just happened to message you. Chances are you’re unconsciously acting more self-protective than you would normally. Just know that you have your own back! I am living proof that you can meet someone online (Facebook) and end up having a very successful relationship.

Cali, Billie E., Jill M. Coleman, and Catherine Campbell. "Stranger Danger? Women’S Self-Protection Intent And The Continuing Stigma Of Online Dating."Cyberpsychology, Behavior, And Social Networking 16.12 (2013): 853-857. PsycINFO. Web. 5 Dec. 2015.

Rachel Sowinski